it is that simple

again with the can’t sleep.  so i’m downstairs reading all the blogs i haven’t read in a while.  thinking i should probably post something on my blog.  thinking who cares anyway.  who reads this stuff.  it’s like putting your heart on your sleeve or your life right out there for all to see.  all – the whole world.  okay so although i enjoy a good blogpost just like the next person, i still have this “thing” about my own thoughts on a device that gets viruses and is called a web.  reminds me of this crazy h1n1 thing that noone wants.  also reminds me of what spiders do to their prey.  does that happen to my words when i stick them out there on the web?  i don’t know.  it makes me think about the days before blogs and ipods and ds’s and yes even cell phones, although i must admit i use mine regularly – but that comes from many years of driving a vw van and needing to call the local towing company from remote places.  maybe i’m getting old.  maybe i’m getting tired.  maybe not.  maybe i’m getting smarter and life is getting simpler.  i truly wonder why we can’t all just be friends.  at least in the unity of our Saviour.  could it really be that simple?  does the good book really contain good news?  isn’t it that even while we were yet sinners He died for us – then tells us to do the same for each other?  i don’t have the same story as anyone else.  no snowflake is the same as any other snowflake.  my guess is neither are the stars the same as each other.  have you noticed the glory in the dying leaves?  are any of those the same?  so why is it that as humans, we expect others to be the same as us?  God doesn’t.  yes, we must be the same in order to be different and therefore be the same.  meaning, we must be in Christ to maintain our uniqueness that God gave each of us in order to love each other as Christ loved us and be in unity as He commanded us.

i think my mind works differently from most.  i have come to understand that i will not understand all this until i stand with Christ in the heavenly places.  this may be the reason for this post.  when the computer age goes tilt, will anyone’s journal ever be found and made into a book for all to read the history in that person’s lifetime?  will the computer age ever go tilt?  should we just blog on into oblivion?  or should i get out my journal?  i wonder what would have happened to george washington’s history had he blogged all his thoughts on the pages of space.  or robert louis stevenson’s? or what if beethoven was so busy blogging that his ninth was only a note, not a symphony.  or what about the letters with tattered corners from far-away places rubber-banded together in the dusty shoe box in the attic that were found after the old house was sold?  hands clutched those words, those hugs written by their spouse so many years before.  how can you savor those treasures when they don’t exist?   “and she clutched the old computer monitor – trying to remember all the wonderful notes he had blogged especially to her”    what if the Lord had just blogged the Bible.  then y2k really happened and all was lost?

okay i’ve gone too far.  must be the cynic in me.  maybe i’m just a romantic and i like the feel of a smooth pen too much.  maybe i’m addicted to journals.  like my aunt who was addicted to buttons.  or my ex who was addicted to alcohol.  now there’s another rabbit trail.  i guess maybe life isn’t so simple.  and maybe i’m not getting smarter.

i read those other blogs and i think that i don’t fit in.  i just can’t seem to tell cyberland how my garden grows.  or what my children did.  or what i made today.  sometimes i wish i could.  many times i compare my self to others and of course i come up wanting.   who would read my stuff anyway?  my folks don’t do computers.   what sort of wise counsel would draw others to my site?   i’m just a sinner saved by grace.

oh, it is that simple.      and now i can sleep.

Strawberry Jam

So just what is our fixation with food?  I would probably be fine with the ol’ 1-a-day if that would be enough to sustain life.  Now don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the benefits and pleasures of food:  all senses involved, the fellowship that is closely associated, the special celebrations that require special delectables, and yes, even the occasional squishy of fresh strawberries in the colander.  But ponder the reality of just how often we eat/snack/indulge (thinking of chocolate, here) in food.  It’s the first thing on my youngest’s mind in the a.m.  It’s always on the minds of my husband and my dog.  It takes too long to prepare for the time it takes to devour.  Although the salmon on the barby last night was marvelously worth the wait.  It can be an adventure, like Teya & I had making hummus & adding different spices etc.  Or it can be a mixed blessing, like making strawberry jam.  summer = strawberries. The firstfruits, as I see it, of the earth after the cold of winter and the wet of spring.  I do like the sweet taste and texture of the rosy-red heart-shaped treasures.  Especially the wild ones (maybe that’s just my nature).  They are too sweet for their own tiny size!  So we tackled the u-pick and came away with 48.5 lbs.  We were dirty, the berries were dirty, but the price was right & ripe for the pickin’.  And that’s another thing.  What’s up with the food references in tight places?  How’d I get in this pickle anyway?   Help!  Get me outa this jam!  Hey, we’re packed in here like sardines!  Well, he’s a hard nut to crack.

I guess I like the jam theme, ‘cuz once you’re in one, you might remember the sovereignty of God in ALL things, thereby pronouncing any particular “tight place” a jam – or rather a strawberry jam.  Because once you have been in the heat and the thick of things over the fire, poured out into the scalding jar, bathed in boiling water, left to cool off on the rack……

Someone in want of what you now have to give comes along and spreads your experiences over the bread of their life and it sweetens each bite.

Lord, let me remember – the next time I face trials of many kinds and consider myself to be in a jam – let me remember what Christ did for me and the sweetness He now brings to all situations and let me Rejoice in Strawberry Jam!

TRUTH

After many months of studying Ecclesiastes and witnessing God’s truths surround me in the lives of many, I am indeed the recipient of an amazing gift.  Truth.  Absolute Truth.  And here’s one for today:

Although I should always be praising God, it seems like I am the most satisfied during a trial.  Because I see more clearly the need to cling to my God – my life – therefore the depths of my REAL self, my soul, are more permanently filled; satisfied in their eternal longings, which at times are hidden from my temporal understandings, but which are always attended to by Him who put them there.  In this I greatly rejoice – in all my sufferings.  The desire to escape the hard things of this earthy life do not plague me to the extent they once did..  In fact, as outcast as this may seem, I am wary of the smooth days, the lovely days, the uneventful schedules-all-fulfilled days.  In these, I realize I should take a deeper breath, as a gift from my Lord, knowing the difficult lies just ahead.  I am still memorizing that.  But I, now, am more confident in Paul’s expression that contentment is great gain and that, as he has learned, so will I, to be content in all things.  To every thing, every time, there is a purpose.  Praise God for each one of those.  For in HIS time He makes all things beautiful.

It’s a God thing.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

We are overwhelmed and overjoyed with God’s grace and mercy!
Reigning in our hearts and in our lives, His goodness is beyond…….beyond all things,
things in heaven and things on earth.   We had a very special gift these past few weeks.  TIME.
Time to play and time to study.  Time to sit quietly and time to run around laughing and squealing.  Time to hurt and time to heal.  Time to cry and time to smile.  Time to take pictures and time to be taken pictures of.   (Can you tell I’ve been studying Ecclesiastes?)   Anyway, with all the snow and cold, then with Dave’s infection, our little family has spent the past 4 weeks together – pretty much all the time.  While many might think that would be difficult, it came at the exact moment when each of us needed it…..needed each other.  No gift could have been better wrapped and put under the tree or given cheerfully along with candles & balloons.  Only our Father in heaven knows what we need when we need it.  Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow!

Here’s some photos of Christmas, the girls’ 10th B-day, the big dog, etc.
May they bring you smack dab into the middle of our happy hearts and humble home!

Fun stuff!   Silly folks!   A great dog!   An awesome God!               May your ‘09 be mighty fine!

warm and peaceful

It’s been a while – a busy while – & with many thoughts about this whole blogging thing later……here am I because:

Who can I tell about the wonders of the Lord?  Who can I sing with, laugh with, Rejoice! with in the goodness and mercy of our GOD?  The mountains already cry out!  The rocks already sing HIS praise!  The storehouses of the snow are even now pouring out their treasures to HIS glory!

I have determined I am more like my mother than I care to admit.  Not that my mother is an awful being or such, but she wavers so in her allegiances – she is ……well, never mind – this is not about my mother.  This post is about the glorious truth of God’s perfect love and strength (especially in my weakness).  It is about the most intimate relationship one could ever have.  The Creator of this unfathomable universe knowing the very inmost workings of our deepest thoughts, desires, hearts.  And not only knowing, but acting in those that will bring glory to HIM and be best for each of us.  For all HIS children for all time.

I speak now specifically to this unpredictable weather; the colds and sorenesses of the wintery season; the longings of a mother’s heart to do the right thing for her children in example and in teaching; the desire to honor and please a thrice holy GOD; the realization that HE wants our hearts first; the truth that HIS blessings are best when HE gives freely and then allows us to see what HE has just done for us.

Back to the mother-alike thing.  I get the highs and lows I see her have.  Although I strive for balance, I am stuck between flesh & spirit.  Praise God the highs aren’t SO high that I get light-headed, and the lows aren’t SO low that I get hard-hearted!  Nevertheless, I once again have been in a slight state of depression lately.  Who knows why.  Reading scripture, forcing myself to pray thankful prayers.  Pushing against the heaviness of heart with a conciously determined smile or laugh.  Yelling inside – GET me out of this place!!  all the while knowing my Savior is with me in this firey furnace and I will get out; so causing my self to die and my Christ to live, I perform those things He has laid before me and I wait.

I awoke at 4:45 this am and hoping for snow (the weatherfolks have been close lately, so I was hoping they were right this time), but upon further investigation (peeking through the slats in the miniblinds), no.  As my sleeping husband was sound-ful-ly dabbling at hibernation, I slipped downstairs, added a few crumpled newspapers and six small branches from last year’s felled birch to the smoldering coals in the woodstove, took up the NIV on the coffeetable and read Isaiah 9.   Then I coughed, sauntered into the kitchen for some Vit. C infested kiwi-raspberry Langers, returned to the cozy living room and plugged the festive tree lights in.  Nice.  After about 123 minutes of pure rest and renewal in the Word and prayer, my eyelids succumbed.  When my once-slumbering giant kissed me awake at 7:30, the quiet gave the surprise away – there was now a complete covering of white outside.  Needing to cling to this beautiful gift a while longer, I closed my tearing eyes once more and remembered the past few days.  Because of some inconvenient circumstances in this life (sickness, school closures), I was graciously surrounded by all of my children at some point – young, old, new, and grand.  My heart is bursting at the seams with gratitude to my Everlasting Father, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace, Mighty God.  He surely knows the hearts of (wo) me (n) and like a true friend, has given me the shirt right off His back.  That His warm and peaceful love penetrates to the very core of my restless, needy soul through the lives of others is such an amazing mystery.

Praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!!  I have no greater joy than to see my children walking in the truth!
and recouping on the couch; and working hard for others; and playing in the snow……

God is so good; God is so good; God is so good; He’s so good to me.

if a picture is worth 1,000 words, then this is worth a library…

I have neglected to post anything yet on the marriage of my son, Zack, to Jessica.  Words don’t seem to want to come so easily – I suppose my little brain is still trying to comprehend the beauty and meaning of God’s glorious gift of a covenant marriage……particularly the one involving Zack.   I will say it was Beautiful and I am so very blessed to have another lovely daughter!  I promise to add some deeper ponderings later, but for now………

GO TO:

http://cn-photography.blogspot.com/2008/10/zach-and-jess-wedding.html

and click on the arrow under the 2nd photo for Zack & Jess……..get the kleenex…….Enjoy!  

just another day at the zoo – no, really

On Friday the 19th, Mattea & Zoe & I got to take my grandsons to the
Oregon Zoo.  What a great relaxing outing before a whirlwind week to come.

Me & Jack-ee-boo watchin’ the silly otter play…

the John Deere photo shoot…

Polar Bear bum (& look at those huge paws)…

How do you measure up?

Zoe taking close-ups….

……get a lil’ push here?

never mind, i got it.

a few best sides………

just relaxing during lunch….

i have to do ‘tricks’ for my lunch…

squirrels on the loose….

the new baby elephant – must be tiring holding up all that weight…
352 lbs at 4 weeks – now that’s a BIG baby!   

……it was a very fun and beautiful day!
God’s wonderful creatures, so different, so unique!
Oh, and all the animals were, too……….

Passion Week (the shadow)

It is Sunday, the Lord’s Day, the beginning of the week to come.

The son is well aware of the tension and anxiousness in the air – in every one of his bones.
He carries himself calmly on the outside, however, knowing his role, knowing who he is and knowing what is to come in a few days – probably the longest days of his life.

The mother is not quite so calm.  Peaceful and content in knowing what must take place, but anxious a bit at the whole thought – remember, she has been pondering her son’s life ever since his birth, which now seems so long ago.

No, I’m not talking about our Lord Jesus Christ, I’m talking about my son, Zack’s impending marriage ceremony to Jessica.  Now, I am not inferring any similarities to the original “passion week” – forgive the play on words – I was simply remembering how it was the week before I was married; now being in a different position; coming from a different perspective.  Watching the look on Zack’s face – seeing right through to the joy welling up in his heart.

Although, if you think closely about the meaning of what Jesus did for us on the cross (the culmination of his last week) and what the meaning of what Zack & Jess are about to do at the end of this week, you can find the similarities.  And that is the point in it all, is it not?  (or as my grandson, Jackson would say, “or no?”)   Union with our Love?

I love because He first loved me.  I cry deep within my soul, longing for the day when I will be joined together – completely, heart and body – with the one whom has already won me over.

times a’wastin’

why is it when i have the most to do, i seem to drag my feat?

we are supposed to be leaving for a 3 day camping trip this afternoon.  the washing machine is working, the dishwasher is working, the girls are working – albeit on their own things, i, however, am sitting at the computer typing and hoping that everything will be ready to go in about 3 hours, so I can just get in the burb and drive away.  does it work like that?  i don’t think so.

we sure do waste a lot of time.  and we sure do spend a lot of time on things that we shouldn’t. and we don’t make time for the things that we should – the important things.  interesting………….

gotta luv the grandkids, tho……..

a couple of pics

here we are relaxing in our cool pool.   can’t wait til we get the diving platform installed.

here’s miss backyard rodeo 2008 with her borrowed horse, jackson.